Member-only story
A Formal Legal Demand
Dear Mother Nature,
I am writing to you on behalf of my client, the collective Eastern Part of Canada, from Ontario to Newfoundland, and The Easter Bunny (hereinafter Client(s)).
It has come to my attention that as a result of your recent conduct, my Clients have suffered and continue to suffer harm. Such conduct includes, but is not limited to the following:
Persistent presenting of frigid, sub-zero air;
Neglecting and/or refusing to allow and/or cause to allow the sun to shine;
Repeated dumpings of precipitation in the form of snow, ice pellets and/or freezing rain and;
Continual blowing of high-velocity winds above acceptable limits and below reasonable temperatures.
In light of the foregoing, I have been instructed by my Client(s) to advise you to cease and desist the above-noted inappropriate and disruptive behaviour immediately. Failure to do so will result in legal proceedings being brought against you without further notice or advice.
I trust you will govern yourself accordingly.
Regards,
Misty Rae
Real Sick of Winter
PS: Hey winter, just FU*K OFF already, it’s April.
