Adoption is complicated. When my father died (the only man I call my father), my birth father announced that he'd "see to me," from then on. When I got a fancy law degree, I was "his" child. Yeah, miss me with that. Oh, and PS, he NEVER once was able to look me in my face, not one time, ever.

The woman is insecure. She has guilt and a fanciful idea of how she could have done better. She needs to justify things in her own head.

You don't need therapy, at least from where I sit. You've done what any responsible parent does, you've done your best. And even then, addiction can happen, look at my middle son!

It's going to be hard, but please try to remember that her judgment is all about her and her fears, insecurities, and own perceived shortcomings. It has nothing to do with you.