Because you did. Because you've been toughing it out for so long that you finally hit that wall you've been pushing away for years and years. I know because I've been there. I've pushed that wall over and over again, until I slammed up against it, and it sucks so bad. It sucks because it's a shitty situation. it sucks because of the helplessness. And it sucks because there's a pride and a sort of identity that we assume from being that person who can handle it all.

When that goes away, it's devastating. So I suspect with the physical agony, you're likely also going through some very real mental torture in mourning Miss Wall Pusher.

I wish I had something concrete to offer. Sadly, I'm north of broke myself, so all I've got are good thoughts and maybe a tiny bit of understanding.