I wrote about this a while ago. My Black mother was a tiger parent before that was a thing...so panther, maybe? Anyway, not good. I get what she was trying to do, she wanted me to excel, to use all the "gifts" I had to do better than she or my father had. What she created was a kid with crippling anxiety, terrified to try anything I wasn't certain of winning.

Second best was first loser. Approval was conditional on achievement. I had to relearn parenting with my boys. It wasn't easy. I made mistakes. There's a fine line between wanting the best for your kids (and I get the being non-white and wanting so badly to have your child succeed), and making them nuts, literally nuts. At 53, I'm just beginning to unravel the need for perfection.