Like you, I fall hard and fast, so I get it. From the story, it seems to me you got yourself involved with a sadistic narcissist (and I don't use those terms willy nilly, I mean them as properly defined.) He read your stories, knew about you trauma, your pain, your insecurities and exploited them.

There's no worse pain than finding out everything was a big fat lie. There is no way of making this make sense because it doesn't make sense unless viewed through the eyes of a sadistic narcissist.

Take all the time you need to heal. I'll be here waiting to enjoy your stories when you're ready to write them.

Also, from an old-ish lady who's been around the block a time or two, none of this was your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's all him.