Men are way easier than women, that's true. I suspect the game was fun because you were in control, you knew you'd win. When you've had literally zero control over your life, which, it seems you didn't for a long ass time (apologies if I got that wrong, I just comment on what I read), any sort of control is delicious! And fake confidence and bravado is what we do. Never show weakness, never let that armour down....

You and I are different in the mother category in that I don't see the woman who hated me in the mirror. That woman adopted me. That's a whole different kettle of crazy. What I see is nothing. A void in the universe, a connection to nothing or noone. I see pictures of my birth mother. I look like her, I can see it objectively. I can't feel it or know it, if it makes sense. I obviously don't look like my dad.

I also haven't had the extreme trauma you've had, so I would never be that ass hat that tries to tell you how you feel because I don't.

I don't know you in person, but what I see is a very intelligent, caring person with a hard shell that was hard fought and necessary but a squishy inside that you only let out for a select few. Animals are safe because they won't fuck you over; they operate on instinct.

That said, my crazy mother used to say, children and dogs know good people.....ask Rosie....she knows!

You're beautiful in my books, as I said, and that's not in spite of the damage, it because of it and the fact that you're still here, speaking (writing) your truth.