Oh, no, you're absolutely right. The thing is, my mother and I had a very complex, love-hate relationship.

On the one hand, she deeply resented me. I was the child she was forced to deal with. She made it clear that she wasn't keen to adopt me, but my father was adamant. Imagine being 43, your only child being 15, looking forward to a quiet life and BAM...you're asked to start over because your brother-in-law can't get his shit together to care for what he created.

She, I think also viewed me as having opportunities she never had. She was a very intelligent woman who could have been anything she wanted to be. IF she'd been white and male. She had a way of "blocking" me. Example, she skipped from kindergarten to 2nd grade and bragged about it alot. When the same thing was recommended for me, she refused.

But she also was my most fierce defender against the outside world. If there was even the hint of racism, she was on it! And yes, she was telling me, over and over that my white face didn't mean shit when people found out. And she wasn't wrong.