So much to say. Honestly, as someone who had a complex relationship with a mother who hated me and never wanted me, but also confused things with having my back, I find the whole "you'll be sorry when she's gone, you only have one mother, " all that bullshit is rooted in religious dogma. You know that whole honour your father and mother. Well, not all parents deserve honour.

It's time to put down the scar. Easier said than done, I know. But what she failed to see came from her own lack, not yours. It's impossible to see that as a child. Hell, it's impossible to see it as an adult. But just look at all the people who do love and see value in you... Paul, his entire family, your dad, your writing pals here on Medium, and little old me.