Then don't. Brother or no brother...your relationship with her is different from his...your experience is not his. I feel like he should get that, but blind spots exist and I get that too. You need to do what is most healthy for YOU. YOU, not you in relation to anyone else, just you, little you (yeah, I went there). You're a brilliant, beautiful, talented young lady who has been to hell and back more times than any human should ever have had to have been.

You may not be ready or strong enough yet, but you will eventually take your life back. It comes in stages. You seem to know you can't go there with mommy dearest...listen to your gut. Even my mother, evil as she was told me that.