This just killed me! You're so strong. I get it, on an intellectual level, you're likely grieving what could have been in some way.

Grief can be an up and down thing. My father was sick for 12 years. He's be on death's door only to rebound again and again. The constant up and down was exhausting and emotioanlly draining.

That said, I'm glad you have a name for what you're feeling and I wish all teh best to your beautiful daughter and your family. I appreciate your candor and openness in your story and will be following you to see how life is unfolding. As mothers we can only do the best we can adn you, my deear are a superhero in my books.