Member-only story
What Not To Wear Over 50
It seems I’m an embarrassment to my children. Everything I wear is wrong. That’s nothing new; I was always a little offside as far as fashion went. But now that I’m 50, I can’t do right for doing wrong, at least according to some people.
Actually, my serious fashion faux pas seemed to begin when I hit 40. They’ve just continued for a little over a decade. My children (who are, by the way, not children, they’re grown men, aged 31, 29 and 27) think it’s time for me to dress my age. There’s something creepy or unseemly about the sight of a middle-aged woman wearing shorts or anything form-fitting. And don’t even get them started on bathing suits.
It’s time for me to hang up the mini skirts, the leggings, the cute t-shirts. It’s time to ditch the bikini and the leather pants because leather is meant for couches, not to cover my tired old ass!
It’s time for me to look like a granny, even though I’m not one. It’s time to adopt a more matronly bearing. Perhaps something like my grandmother used to wear. Something decent. Something that covers everything. Maybe a nice cardigan and some slacks, polyester if you’ve got it. Oh, and sensible shoes.
It’s time to stop shopping in stores that carry cute clothes. And don’t even think about going to buy nice lingerie because ewwwww…
