You're exactly right! There's absolutely no need to trash them, but it just seems insane to me to make up stuff that I suppose sounds socially acceptable to say about someone. Everyone, like I said, has at least 1 actual good quality.

For example, my biological father just passed away about 2 weeks ago. He was, by all accounts an irresponsible, womanizing man who preferred drink to all else (aside from the aforementioned womanizing). He was so bad that when I was born and my biological mother died (when I was 3 weeks old) his parental rights to me were terminated. My siblings had a very difficult life with him. yet, somehow, when I read the obituary, there was the standard, "he was a man who put family above all else, " balh, blah, " and is surviivedby his loving children, all listed by name and including the 2 he had nothing to do with, myself and one of my brothers. Seriously? How is that necessary? Anyone who knew him knows the truth. Why not just speak the truth? The man wasn't a family man. He wasn't a good father. But he was funny, full of fun, extremely loyal to his friends and in his day, quite charming. Why not just say that?